Me, My Friends, and Our Imposter Syndrome

Nosipho Vilakazi
APRIL 27 2023
            March 12th, 2023 was one for the books. I sat in my friends’ apartment, completing coursework and drinking tea while anticipating the night’s winnings. Oscar night this year was particularly memorable for me not only because of the astonishing sweep by the film Everything, Everywhere All At Once but also because of the speeches given during each win. My standout speech must have been when co-director Daniel Kwan said, “My imposter syndrome is at an all-time high”. On an objective level, there were some more powerful speeches but that one stood out to me the most. I sat there feeling sorry for him, relating to the feeling and how awful it is to be deserving of an accolade and yet still feel like an outsider. Seeing Kwan, a high achieving and historic winner speak about imposter syndrome at the Oscars made me question if the feeling described as imposter syndrome ever gets better.

A high-achieving undergraduate student and personal friend, Mafer Bencomo Arevalo describes imposter syndrome as “not feeling enough for the spaces in which you inhabit” and “feeling like everyone else knows something that you don’t like you missed the memo”. When describing those exact feelings to a school counselor in 2019, she asked me if I knew about imposter syndrome and then continued to explain that it mostly happened to marginalized and high-achieving students in privileged spaces.

The American Psychological Association simply refers to imposter syndrome as “impostor phenomenon.” They accredit this name they have given to the experience to Dr. Pauline Rose simply stating the fact that “impostor phenomenon isn’t a clinical diagnosis”. While this stands as a fact, the existence of imposter syndrome as a feeling, experience, phenomenon, or state of being is that there is an abundance of people who can testify to having dealt with it. Dr. Dawn Bravata shares with APA that “Up to 82% of people face feelings of impostor phenomenon, struggling with the sense they haven't earned what they've achieved and are a fraud”. APA acknowledges that and also pinpoints the possible cause of what they describe as this phenomenon. Explaining that “it’s especially prominent among people with underrepresented identities”, they also go on to account for the effects of the phenomenon. According to Dr. Ami Rokach of York University, “In some cases, impostor phenomenon can also catalyze growth. Acknowledging you don’t know everything can open you up to new learning opportunities, even prompting positive contributions to science and society”.

Thriving in academic spaces has been a lifelong reality for my friends and me. Another consistent experience for us has been existing as “other” in those academic spaces. While in conversation with three friends regarding imposter syndrome, I learned that there is a myriad of takeaways from being in these spaces, and although we can acknowledge that we are feeling something that stems from a common phenomenon, we experience it differently. From sitting down with Mafer Bencomo Arevalo, Zahra Merchant, and Ping Ho, a lot of unpacking took place in terms of defining imposter syndrome and contextualizing it. Acknowledging yourself as a high achiever is one thing, but it can be argued that even with that level of cognizance, it can be argued that imposter syndrome is still an experience you can have. Recollections from these three undergraduate students really put that into perspective.


At just the age of 19 years old, illustrator Zahra Merchant was chosen to be an assistant character artist intern at Disney. Considering that Merchant was just a first-year undergraduate when she was selected for the position, one could say that this was a big deal. Stating that she feels she also experienced imposter syndrome while doing her internship, she can recall feeling it as early as her first day. She largely attributes this experience to her age. According to Merchant, “It’s different in animation since there are a lot of young people there, but for character artists, they tend to be people who have worked in the art for a long time and came from careers in animation”. Achieving such a big career milestone at such a young age, it is no surprise that you may find yourself feeling like a fish out of water. Merchant also mentions feeling underrepresented in this space, exclaiming that “I notice many people vying for careers in art and animation are women but men hold all the power”.

Kwan’s Oscar speech where he mentions imposter syndrome left me in awe. I began to think about how even when one is in a position where they are well decorated, the feeling of being found out prevails. When talking about this with Mafer Bencomo Arevalo, we dissected the importance of celebrating your wins - especially in a space where people with a similar background to yours are a rarity. An award-winning filmmaker and an award-winning scholar, Bencomo Arevalo hails from Venezuela and has been unable to return to her home country since her enrollment into the ISAK United World College of Japan and then later her enrollment into the Ringling College of Art and Design. “I could say that as a Latin American person in this very American space, my wins are very big and I celebrate them passionately. But I think they are very silent. You have got to learn to see the value in yourself, even with your flaws” says Bencomo Arevalo. She ends her thoughts on celebrating your wins despite imposter syndrome by placing a level of importance on context and how it influences how big one’s achievements can be. “I do not think a lot of people realize the level of hard work and the importance of what my wins represent. There are so many things that I see as wins that everybody around me does not”, she mentions wins such as starting a savings account to plan for both her short and long-term goals.

In February of 2021, The Harvard Business Review published an article titled “Stop Telling Women They Have Imposter Syndrome”. The article’s authors, Ruchika Tulshyan and Jodi-Ann Burey claim that “For many women, feeling like an outsider isn’t an illusion — it’s the result of systemic bias and exclusion”. They break this down further in the article, detailing real-life events, particularly the story of Talisa Lavarry, author of the book Confessions From Your Token Black Colleague. Tulshyan and Burey largely attribute the feeling of what they describe as “doubting your abilities and feeling like a fraud” to bias. Borrowing from the findings of the American Psychology Association, the writers reshare that imposter syndrome “disproportionately affects high-achieving people, who find it difficult to accept their accomplishments”. But what happens when the high achiever is unable to recognize their own high achievements? Perhaps there are scenarios where the high achiever who feels a sense of imposter syndrome denounces the phenomena and instead chooses to believe that they are simply mediocre.

Upon asking the question, “How do you draw the line between imposter syndrome and perhaps recognizing a certain level of mediocrity within yourself ?”, Bencomo Arevalo was quick to answer. “There are times in which one has to be able to understand when they are experiencing imposter syndrome and bringing themselves down. It is also important to be critical of yourself and actually identify when there are areas to improve” she says. Confident in her ability to navigate this specific situation, she also states that she is “an emotionally intelligent person who is blessed with the ability to be self-aware”. She is grateful for this as it “helps a lot with discernment” when understanding that “there is something that needs to be worked on”.

Ping Ho, on the other hand, was not familiar with the term imposter syndrome until I asked her about it. Upon looking it up and doing her research, she was confident in expressing that this was a feeling she was all too familiar with. Ho is a Taiwanese alum of the United World Colleges - a global chain of international high schools focusing largely on turning their students into global citizens. As an alum myself, I can attest to the selectiveness and competitive nature of getting enrolled in a United World College. Ho can trace back her first feeling of imposter syndrome to the selection process for enrollment at the International Baccalaureate curriculum-focused institution. “I still think about how they came to select me and often question why they thought I was good enough to become a part of the school,” says Ho. This feeling was fleeting for Ho and she attributes this to what she refers to as her “growth mindset”. Presently, Ho is in the process of preparing for her first curated show - a pop-up exhibition titled Rán which features works centered around nature. She also served as an intern for the Sarasota Art Museum during the summer and fall of 2022.

With the popularity of the phrase, there may come a sense of self-doubt among those who believe they may suffer from imposter syndrome. As opposed to those who live in the constant fear that they may be found out banding together to validate each other, there is a certain level of internal questioning occurring. In articles such “Why Everyone Feels Like They’re Faking It” featured in the New York Times, there are accounts given by the original pair of women who coined the name for the phenomenon. Pauline Clance and Suzanne Imes renounce the idea that one’s accomplishments can make one feel deserving of them. In fact, they “argued forcefully in their original study that success was not a cure”. This is something that makes sense when considering the case of director Daniel Kwan. He stood on one of the most honorable stages and still had room to address the crowd letting them know he could not believe he was there.

In the cases of my friends, although well on their way to success in their respective fields, it comes as no surprise that when they stop to take it all in yet still cannot seem to truly believe it. What has not been taken into consideration is that it may not be an easy thing to believe that you deserve to take center stage in a space where others like you may not have necessarily existed before. In a space where you may be one of the first people to be there in your demographic whether it be in terms of gender, race, sexuality, or socioeconomic status, where could one possibly find the validation that they belong? In my case, my biggest sense of imposter syndrome comes from my socioeconomic status. Being raised by a poor family, I often found it difficult to process my achievements as I was only able to see middle-class and wealthy children in the spaces where my accomplishments would land me.

While, Merchant, Bencomo Arevalo, Ho, and myself feel a sense of disbelief and dare I say self-doubt in the positions we find ourselves in, we all have varying triggers for our imposter syndrome and we experience it differently. There are varying triggers such as the people occupying the same spaces all looking different from the way you do or also coming from a different cultural or socioeconomic background. Assessing the root of the anxiety and self-doubt that comes with this phenomenon is a major form of assistance. However, assessing the root causes of imposter syndrome does not necessarily bring you to a position where you are suddenly freed from it. The concept of imposter syndrome is a complex one. Regardless of its complexity, the feelings of those affected by it are completely felt and not without cause. This is an essential piece of insight to be kept in mind when addressing those expressing the feelings detailed by the definitions of imposter syndrome. Of course, not everyone will have the same views on this nor will everyone come to a consensus about where it stems from and who it is typically associated with or affecting.

The question of whether or not imposter syndrome gets better or worse as your life academically and professionally progresses is one that remains a mystery. However, it serves as an interesting observation to truly break down imposter syndrome in terms of what it is, who it typically affects, and what forms of adversities are faced by those particular demographics. Perhaps, as time progresses, those who do not see themselves in the spaces they occupy will contribute to a decreased amount of imposter syndrome felt by generations of those who will come after them. In the context of critically acclaimed professionals like Kwan, perhaps their credibility may validate them. It may even be conceivable that the high achievers who do not comprehend who they are eventually, in the most positive way, find themselves out instead.